Coping and Sharing the News

Talking to Your Children

Telling your children you have breast cancer can feel scary and emotional. You may want to protect them from the truth, but most children can tell when something is wrong. You do not have to get it perfect. You know your children best, and you can trust your instincts about how much to share and how to say it.

Many experts suggest four simple ways to talk to kids about cancer: be honest, explain and prepare, reassure, and encourage. These tips can help kids feel safe, supported, and less afraid.

Be Honest
Even young children can tell when something is going on. They might notice changes in your mood, energy, or daily routine. If you do not tell them what is happening, they may imagine something worse. Being honest in a way they can understand can help them feel more secure.

You can talk about your diagnosis using simple words. For example:

• “Mommy is sick and the doctors are helping her get better. I’ll be going to the hospital more often and taking medicine that might make me feel tired.”

Older children or teens may want to know more. It is okay to use the word cancer and to explain what the treatment will be like:

• “I have something called breast cancer. It means there are some lumps in my breast that shouldn’t be there. The doctors will do surgery to remove them, and I’ll have more treatment to help make sure they don’t come back.”

Explain and Prepare
Let your child know what changes to expect. Will you lose your hair, feel tired, or spend more time resting? Simple explanations help kids feel more prepared and less scared, especially if you remind them you are still there for them. Let them ask questions. If you do not know the answer, you can say so.

Younger children might understand better if you use dolls or stuffed animals to explain. Older kids or teens may want to see your treatment plan or even meet your care team.

Tell them if daily routines will change. For example, if someone else is picking them up from school or helping at home, it helps to give them a heads-up. Including them in the conversation can make the changes feel less sudden or confusing.

Reassure
You can’t promise everything will be okay, but you can give your child comfort and clarity. Let them know:

• They did not cause your cancer
• Cancer is not something they can catch
• It is normal to feel sad, scared, or angry and they can talk to you about how they are feeling
• You and your doctors are doing everything you can to make you better

Little kids might be used to you getting better quickly when you are sick. You can gently explain that cancer is different and that getting better may take a long time.

No matter how old your children are, remind them that it is okay to feel all kinds of emotions: sad, confused, angry, unsure, or anxious. These feelings are normal during tough times like this.

Encourage
Let your children know that even if you are tired or do not look like yourself, you are still you. Tell them you still love them the same, even if you can’t always play or do the usual things.

You can also encourage them to help in small ways, like bringing you a drink, reading together, or giving a hug. These small acts can help them feel connected and useful.

Some kids may become quiet, while others might act out. Keep talking and checking in so you can better understand how they are feeling. It can also help to let their teachers or school staff know what is going on so they can support your child too.

These conversations may be emotional for you as well. You might feel scared, overwhelmed, or sad. That is completely normal. Sharing your feelings (in a way that makes sense for your child’s age) can help show them that it is okay to feel this way and that they are not alone.

Resources to Help Talk to Children About Cancer

Reading together can help kids understand what is going on. Here are some books that explain cancer in ways that are comforting and age-appropriate:

Books and Resources For Young Children:

• Mommy Has a Boo-Boo by Marci Cox: Explains breast cancer to kids aged 3–9.
• Mommy Gets Cancer by Dr. Roochi Arora: Answers common questions kids have.
• Cancer Hates Kisses by Jessica Sliwerski: A loving, hopeful story for young kids.
• How Do You Care for a Very Sick Bear? by Vanessa Bayer: A gentle book about caregiving and kindness.
• Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings by Ellen McViker and Nanci Hersh: Helps explain a parent’s diagnosis.
• The Year My Mother Was Bald by Ann Speltz: A journal-style story from a preteen’s view.
• When Someone You Love Has Cancer by Alaric Lewis: Helps children manage fears and questions.
• Michael’s Mommy Has Breast Cancer by Lisa Torrey: Encourages open conversations.
• Okay Mommy, I Will Help You by Rea Ranginwala: Written by a 10-year-old girl helping her mom through treatment.
• The Kids’ Guide To Mommy’s Breast Cancer by Karyn Stowe for Rethink Breast Cancer

For Parents and Caregivers:

• When a Parent Has Cancer by Wendy S. Harpham: Offers parenting tips during treatment.
• Cancer in Our Family by Sue Heiney et al.: Helps kids cope with a parent’s illness.
• Talking To Your Kids About Breast Cancer by Morgan Livingstone and Rethink Breast Cancer: A Canadian guide to these tough conversations.
• Talking To Kids About Cancer Video Series by Rethink Breast Cancer
• Talking With Your Children About A Cancer Diagnosis by The Peter Gilgan Centre for Women’s Cancers: A short, practical guide for explaining cancer to children and teens in age-appropriate ways.
• Talking With Children About Breast Cancer by Breast Cancer Now
• When a Parent Has Cancer: Educational guide for everyone in the family by Wellspring Cancer Support

Talking to Adult Children

If your children are adults, the conversation can still be emotional. They may have lots of questions or worries. Sharing your treatment plan can help them understand what is happening and give them a chance to support you. You might also invite them to come to appointments or meet your care team if they want to learn more.

If you are not sure how to begin, a social worker or counsellor at your cancer centre can help you find the right words.

The Canadian Cancer Society has a database that can be used to find local support services in your area. You can access it below:

Our Stories

More Stories

Tell Us your Story