Coping and Sharing the News

Talking to Family and Friends

Telling your loved ones that you have breast cancer can be just as hard as hearing the news yourself. You might worry about upsetting them or find that talking about it makes the situation feel more real.

Partners

Many people start by telling their spouse or partner. They can be a big source of emotional and practical support. Try to talk openly about what you need and how they can help. This can include going with you to appointments, helping at home, or sharing updates with family and friends so that you do not have to.

Family and Friends

You may also want to tell close family or friends. Choosing who to tell and when is entirely up to you. Some people prefer to share with only those they feel most comfortable with, while others may be open to sharing more broadly. It can help to think about what kind of support you want. Do you need someone who can listen to your worries, help with childcare, food or daily activities?

Peer and Professional Support

Not everyone has a spouse, close family, or a strong support network, and if that is the case for you, you are not alone. Support can come in many forms. You might find comfort in connecting with online communities, joining a peer mentorship program or speaking with a professional counsellor who understanding what you are going through. You can speak to a social worker, counsellor or therapist who specializes in cancer care. Visit the Supporting Your Mental Health section to find resources that may help you.

Managing Reactions and Setting Boundaries

People may react to the news of your breast cancer diagnosis in different ways. Most will want to help, and it can be useful to have a few ideas ready to suggest. Some people might say things that do not feel helpful, even if they mean well. Try to focus on the support that feels right for you and know it is okay to set limits on what you talk about.

You may also receive comments that feel like pity, or questions that are too personal. This can be draining, especially when you are already coping with a lot. It can help to have simple phrases on the ready to redirect the conversation away from your cancer and toward practical support or changing the topic entirely.

Some people may respond by pulling away or becoming less present after you share your diagnosis. This can be confusing or hurtful, especially when you were hoping for support. People may distance themselves because they feel uncomfortable, do not know what to say, or are dealing with their own fears. While this does not make it easier, it is not a reflection of you or anything you did wrong. It can help to focus on the people who are able to show up in ways that feel meaningful to you and give yourself permission to grieve the relationships that change.

If you choose to use social media to share your diagnosis, think about what you want to post and what you prefer to keep private. You might choose to share updates only with close friends or use privacy settings to limit who sees your posts. If people message you for updates, you can respond simply or let them know you are not able to reply to every message. Protecting your emotional energy is important.

Examples of simple language you can use to help maintain your boundaries:

• “Thank you for checking in. I’m focused on my health right now and will share updates when I can.”
• “I appreciate the support. I’m keeping things private at the moment.”
• “I’m not up for talking about details right now, but your kindness means a lot.”
• “I’d rather not talk about that today. How you are you doing?”
• “I know you mean well, but I’m choosing to focus on positive, practical support right now.”

Learn More

• How to Tell Someone You Have Cancer: Practice what to say and get simple tips with Verywell’s Conversation Coach.

The Canadian Cancer Society has a database that can be used to find local support services in your area. You can access it below:

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